I know...

So it's been a while since my last entry here and I don't think I can cover everything that has happened since then though some of the big stuff I'm sure you already know. For instance Barack Obama is my next president (and I'm so very proud). It's one thing he's going to be president because he's a great in visionary and he has some things that I know can't help but help the united States but it's a totally other (big) thing that he's black. I know alot of people are freaking out about it  (like the uber conservative white folk (like some of the people I go to school with)) but it is amazing as a Black person (I don't say African American here because it really has had an impact on ALL people with that dark skin no matter where they live. Obama being president means alot of things, first off it brings alot of pride to the African Americans (which A LOT of white people are upset about even if they were for Obama) because this is the first time EVER that something like this has happened. As a black person I can personally tell you that there are no words to describe the magnitude of pride and excitement him being the next president brings...it's really beyond words. I've talked to some (Black) friends recently and they can't even believe it..it's surreal really. The next thing that has really been effecting me these past (two?) weeks is my friends mother deciding she doesn't trust her anymore. this sucks because when and how are we suppose to hang out? Her mom said that her 'weird behavior' is attributed to me and (our other best) Ian being a bad influence. I freaked out at first but then I got over it after talking to my mom. My mom told me that I have that way about me naturally (my nature basically) and that I haven't manipulated anyone negatively on purpose. She assured me (and I see it now) that I'm not a bad influence on Taylor (my Best Girl-Friend). I was still kinda nervous though because my first ever best friend (that wasn't my sister) Matt, his mom though I was the worst influence ever on her son (but I must say it wasn't hard to be a bad influence because he didn't see his first movie till he was like 8 and I took him to see it (a bug's life), and he didn't have a tv in his house. It's a miracle his mom let him be friends with me because the first thing (after banana's in pajamas) I saw on television was the sopranos. ) and needless to say me and him aren't friends anymore. Then I realized that was in grade school and that Taylor can make her own decisions and that she just has to be honest with her parentals. I'd steadily ignored the fact that when I didn't attend church (which I rarely do any more because I'm a sort of transcendentalist) she lied to her parents to come hang out with me (I just told my mom and Greg I didn't go). Long story short they got suspicious and here we are. The third thing that has bothering me (which is connected to the second thing a bit) is that I read a lot of articles and Jonestown and Jimmy Jones the man that lead nearly 1000 people to commit mass suicide. it really freaked me out because he was naturally persuasive...Like me. And that really (and still) freaks me out. If he could do it that undoubtedly means I'm capable of something of the same magnitude and more. But the Worst thing I think about the whole thing it that he convinced people to do what he wanted when they knew they didn't want to do it he CONTROLLED them....children died, babies...just thinking about it seems totally outrageous. That kind of sacred me away from being forward and rebellious (a little). I want to be able to do something that people can remember...but for good. I don't know if I have the Mentality of that man (Jim Jones) but it scares me to think I might (granted I don't have to do what he did)...things have got to be different. On a lighter note I want to go to cornell and my work ethic is starting to reflect that. I'm gonna end this here cause this is getting long but hopefully I'll remember to finnish giving and update on my self tomorrow and find a way to get my audio recordings on here (i've recorded some thoughts). Goodnight!